No staff shall oper up or be in help channels while under the influence, whether it be alcohol, extreme emotion, illness, or drugs. There's enough mind altering going on without expediting the process...
Hi! I'm sailoreagle, and I'm one of your friendly neighborhood IRCops. I am one of several people who volunteer their time and/or money to keep the network running smoothly, so you can have a more enjoyable chatting experience. No, that doesn't make me your slave or mean you can demand that I do everything you want.
No, my whois doesn't change if you do it twice. It does, however, generate a notice that is tolerable once or twice, but gets fairly annoying if I get it five times in ten seconds. Quit that.
Why yes, I'm an IRCop. How perceptive of you! No, I'm not here to shout at you, I'm not here to close your channel, I'm not here to eat you and your descendants raw and whole for lunch, I'm just here to chat. Now can you PLEASE quit whoising me and let me chat? Thank you!
No, I'm not an IRC cop. IRCOP. Short for "IRC operator". Kinda like a channel operator, only network-wide. You don't call chanops "chan cops", do you?
Yes, I have the IRC equivalent of a a big gun, and yes, I can /kill users off the network if I want to. Most of the time that big gun is kept holstered, though, and no, I will not /kill somebody just because you dislike them. No, not even if you beg.
No, sorry, I can't help you figure out how to set up your client to make a noise every time somebody joins your newly registered channel, it's outside my duties and I'm quite busy right now. Yes, of course I can try and help you figure out how to set up your client to make a noise every time somebody joins your newly registered channel, give me a moment. :) It depends on attitude, you see. Basic help you'll always get from me, but I'm only willing to go out of my way to be helpful to you if you're nice to me and respect me.
Yes, I have a shiny IRCop badge. No, I will not give you a shiny IRCop badge. No, I don't care how good you are, you will not get a shiny IRCop badge without going through the procedure everybody goes through. No, all begging will do is land you in the NWIH stack.
Why, how nice of you to inform me that, since we elected to not take the opportunity to have your clearly amazing self as an IRCop, our network will not last! I hope you have a fun chatting experience on whatever network you will go and beg for an IRCop position next.
No, "I will not give you a shiny IRCop badge" does not mean "please feel free to try to open an alternate network help channel centred on your amazing self". Don't pretend to be surprised when the channel is closed on you, you knew this would happen.
Yes, of course, I do agree that it's incredibly sad that you got banned from your favorite channel. Such a pity! No, I'm afraid not, I can't force the ops of that channel to unban you. Why, thank you for informing me that my refusal to get you unbanned from that channel means that our network endorses child pornography. That's amazing. I didn't know that! By all means, feel free to use that argument with that channel's ops to try and get unbanned, because you're still getting no help from me. Have a nice day!
Oh dear, you got banned from the network? Yes, I agree, it's so sad and unfair that we're keeping you from chatting with your friends on this privately-owned network after you so innocently went around the network gathering material for the new "Getting banned from any sane IRC network in five easy steps" book you're planning to write. You're suing us for that? That's so nice of you. I'm sure whichever lawyer you attempt to contact will enjoy the laughs.
Thank you for your kind offer to help us test the stability of our servers and connections using your floodbots. It's amazing how swift akills are, isn't it?
I'm so sorry to hear it was your brother/sister/uncle/roommate/fifth cousin twice removed/monster in the wardrobe/pet iguana who got you banned from the network. I wish you luck in dealing with the person responsible.
Hi, welcome to the h--
Hiwelcometothehelpchan--
*mutter* *scribble scribble* alias F3 { msg $chan Hi, welcome to the help channel... }
Hi, welcome to the help channel for this network! Did you know you can get right to your channel without passing through here? Oh, you didn't know, that's ok... no, don't worry, now that you know how to go there directly you will no longer have to pass through here. You're welcome!
No, I can't help you with that. No, it's outside my powers to help you with that. No, I really can't help you with that. No, really, I have no power to help you with that. No. No. No. What part of "no" is so difficult to comprehend?
This would be easier if you told your friend to come here instead, you know. There's no need for you to act as a go-between and report the wrong commands five times. We don't bite. Really.
Shush for a bit, I'm trying to help your friend, here. Finding the help conversation among all the chatter isn't easy.
If you stopped complaining that the command doesn't work, and instead typed the command exactly like I showed it to you, I can assure you it would work. Try it if you don't believe me!
I'm sorry, I don't accept private messages from users while helping. If you have a question, please ask in the main channel :) Hmm, that makes me a "rude whore"? Interesting. Do stop throwing abuse at me though, something bad may happen.
Hmm, I wonder why the flow of swearwords from you just suddenly stopped after my status window went "ding!"...
108/transsexual recovering from a sexchange operation gone horribly, horribly wrong/right behind you. Now may I help you with anything? :)
04/06/2003 - 04/06/2004, one year of insanity. It's always a full moon in help channels.